Today I woke up late again and got dressed and started
working on my blog. Then I got a message from Lila asking me to come visit her
at the Jumbo, so I walked over there. We got some ice cream and sat around and
talked for a while. I hadn’t seen her (or any of my friends) in so long and it
was really nice to catch up even though we didn’t have very long to do it. Then
she had to go and I went over to the Apple store to see if they could fix my
broken cell phone. They told me that because Cristobal had changed the screen,
the technology on the inside had been messed up and there was nothing they
could do about it and the only solution would be to buy myself a new cell
phone. I still don’t know what I’m going to do about that. Anyway, we got home
and had lunch together with everyone. We had been planning to drop the
Argentineans off in Santiago and then come back that same day but Eric told me
that they had changed their minds and we would be staying in Santiago until
Sunday. I absolutely flipped out and couldn’t take it anymore. I called my mom
and sat on Skype crying to her for like 20 minutes. My family hadn’t let me see
any of my friends here for so long. I couldn’t stand one more day of waking up
late and then sitting in the house and making awkward and boring conversation
with adults all day and trying to have fun when I really wasn’t feeling it. I
could feel myself losing that spark that I usually have because honestly there
is nothing new that I can tell people whom I’ve been with 3 weeks without a
break. I was absolutely desperate to get
out of the house and I couldn’t see a break in sight because we would be in
Santiago until Sunday and then we were going on a family vacation camping in
the south for 3 weeks. My mom told me it was absolutely unfair that they don’t
let me out especially considering that I am on exchange and came to take
advantage of everything Chile has to offer and not to sit around the house with
my family cooking and doing nothing and wasting days. I knew I had to talk to
them, and it was bad timing because there were so many people in the house and
they were all packing up to leave for Santiago but I had to do it so Nancy and
Eric met me in the taller to talk. I was desperate and crying hard as I tried
to explain to them. Ever since Nancy sent me that text message during my trip
to Patagonia that said they felt as if I didn’t want to spend time with them
and was treating their family like a hotel I have been afraid to even ask to go
out and I have spent so much time with them and made such an effort to talk to
them and make them feel loved, and honestly I have enjoyed our time together
and I love being a part of the family, but I have also felt completely
suffocated. I haven’t had a good, hard, real laugh in like 3 weeks and I can’t
take it anymore. I am bored and stifled. Eric basically just told me I can do
whatever I want as long as I tell my parents in the US where I am and he doesn’t even care if I come on the camping trip with them and I
got even more angry and I yelled at him to stop treating me like I don’t matter
to the family and to stop acting like I
don’t spend time with them and that if the fact that I’ve spent the last 3
weeks almost completely with them and I’ve refused so many invitations from
friends to spend more time with the family doesn’t tell them that I love and
care about them then I don’t know what will and there’s nothing more I can do.
I don’t really know if he got the message that he wasn’t treating me like a daughter
and he was basically reinforcing the fears I had before of not being loved by
my family but anyway they let me stay the weekend in Rancagua instead of going
to Santiago.
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