Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Friday, January 31

Today I woke up late again and got dressed and started working on my blog. Then I got a message from Lila asking me to come visit her at the Jumbo, so I walked over there. We got some ice cream and sat around and talked for a while. I hadn’t seen her (or any of my friends) in so long and it was really nice to catch up even though we didn’t have very long to do it. Then she had to go and I went over to the Apple store to see if they could fix my broken cell phone. They told me that because Cristobal had changed the screen, the technology on the inside had been messed up and there was nothing they could do about it and the only solution would be to buy myself a new cell phone. I still don’t know what I’m going to do about that. Anyway, we got home and had lunch together with everyone. We had been planning to drop the Argentineans off in Santiago and then come back that same day but Eric told me that they had changed their minds and we would be staying in Santiago until Sunday. I absolutely flipped out and couldn’t take it anymore. I called my mom and sat on Skype crying to her for like 20 minutes. My family hadn’t let me see any of my friends here for so long. I couldn’t stand one more day of waking up late and then sitting in the house and making awkward and boring conversation with adults all day and trying to have fun when I really wasn’t feeling it. I could feel myself losing that spark that I usually have because honestly there is nothing new that I can tell people whom I’ve been with 3 weeks without a break.  I was absolutely desperate to get out of the house and I couldn’t see a break in sight because we would be in Santiago until Sunday and then we were going on a family vacation camping in the south for 3 weeks. My mom told me it was absolutely unfair that they don’t let me out especially considering that I am on exchange and came to take advantage of everything Chile has to offer and not to sit around the house with my family cooking and doing nothing and wasting days. I knew I had to talk to them, and it was bad timing because there were so many people in the house and they were all packing up to leave for Santiago but I had to do it so Nancy and Eric met me in the taller to talk. I was desperate and crying hard as I tried to explain to them. Ever since Nancy sent me that text message during my trip to Patagonia that said they felt as if I didn’t want to spend time with them and was treating their family like a hotel I have been afraid to even ask to go out and I have spent so much time with them and made such an effort to talk to them and make them feel loved, and honestly I have enjoyed our time together and I love being a part of the family, but I have also felt completely suffocated. I haven’t had a good, hard, real laugh in like 3 weeks and I can’t take it anymore. I am bored and stifled. Eric basically just told me I can do whatever I want as long as I tell my parents in the US where  I am and he doesn’t even care if  I come on the camping trip with them and I got even more angry and I yelled at him to stop treating me like I don’t matter to the family and to stop acting like  I don’t spend time with them and that if the fact that I’ve spent the last 3 weeks almost completely with them and I’ve refused so many invitations from friends to spend more time with the family doesn’t tell them that I love and care about them then I don’t know what will and there’s nothing more I can do. I don’t really know if he got the message that he wasn’t treating me like a daughter and he was basically reinforcing the fears I had before of not being loved by my family but anyway they let me stay the weekend in Rancagua instead of going to Santiago.
They dropped me off at my friend Mariana’s house and I said goodbye to the Argentineans. Mariana and I hung out for a while and caught up on a lot of stuff because we hadn’t seen each other in so long. Then we went shopping at the Jumbo with her mom to buy food for the little get together she was having that night.
When we got home, Fernanda, Vicente, Augustin, Luciano, Stefano, and Mane came over and we hung out for a while. Then the boys left and the girls stayed a while longer and we had a nice long gossip session. I learned a lot of new and intense gossip about my classmates and it was really interesting. Then Mane left and Fernanda, Mariana, and I stayed up talking and watching The Ring until 6 in the morning.

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