Sunday, September 22

Today we woke up really late after last night. We ate breakfast, packed up the car, cleaned the barf off of the backseat (without ever telling anyone it was there), and then we said goodbye to the countryside and drove back to our grandparents house in Talca. There, Jesus, Seyla, Maxi, and I sat down and talked for a while, and then lunch was served. Every meal here is like a huge deal, served family style with giant plates in the middle. It is always way too much food, but the food is always amazing. After lunch, Seyla, her mom, and my family all drove the two hours back to Rancagua. When we finally got home, we all made pizza together, ate dinner, and then Maxi and Seyla gave Yasmin a bath while I took a shower myself. Later, I Skyped with Melanie and worked a little on my blog. Then I went out and watched the end of the Hunger Games and talked with Nancy and my aunt. Around 2, I was really tired and I went to sleep. It was kind of nice to be back with just my family because although I had a great time in the country with everyone, it’s hard to get around the fact that I’m an outsider. I don’t have the history that the rest of them do, and I can’t really participate in the conversation because I don’t understand enough. Also, seeing how much all of them love and care about Cristobal is hard for me. They are always talking about him and asking how he is doing and sharing stories that he has told them over Skype. This makes me sad for two reasons. First of all, no matter how petty this may sound, I am jealous that they love him so much and I don’t have that bond with them. I wish they would spend their time trying to make friends with me instead of lamenting the fact that Cristobal is gone. Since I am only here because Cristobal left, whenever I hear someone say “oh I miss Cristobal so much” it kind of feels like a personal rejection. Also, I am jealous that Cristobal has such a big and close family. He has like 40 people asking about him and clamoring to Skype with him, and I haven’t even received an email from anyone outside of my parents. Nobody in my family really seems to care how I am, and I guess I wasn’t expecting any different. I was always fine with the way my family operates (we basically only talk once every few years), but now that I’ve seen Cristobal’s family, I am starting to wish for a closer family for myself. Hopefully by the end of the year, I will truly be able to call this family my own and they will fill that hole in my life.